Theories of couples development

Theories on couples’ development often outline stages or phases that couples might navigate through their relationship. There are several different theories of couples development.

1. Knapp’s Relationship Escalation Model

• Escalation (Coming Together)
  • Initiation: First impressions and initial interactions.
  • Experimentation: Discovery and exploration of common interests.
  • Intensifying: Increased intimacy, sharing personal information.
  • Integration: Coupling, with identities merging socially.
  • Bonding: Public commitment through marriage or partnership ceremony.
• Termination (Coming Apart)
  • Differentiating: Partners begin to see their differences as undesirable.
  • Circumscribing: Quality/quantity of communication between partners decreases.
  • Stagnating: Occurs when partners are not communicating with each other as frequently.
  • Avoiding: Occurs when partners create a physical and emotional separation from each other.
  • Terminating: Occurs when the relationship is officially over.

Source: 11.2 Friendships shared under a CC-BY-NC-SA license and was authored, remixed, and/or curated by Daneil Usera and Contribute Authors

2. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

• Intimacy: Emotional closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
• Passion: Physical attraction and sexual consummation.
• Commitment: Decision to remain with the partner, shared achievements.
• Note: Love can be a mix of these components, evolving over time.

Source: Robert Sternberg

3. Gottman’s Theory of Marital Success

• Love Maps: Knowing each other’s psychological worlds.
• Fondness and Admiration: Respecting and appreciating each other.
• Turning Towards: Responding positively to each other’s bids for attention.
• Positive Perspective: Maintaining a positive view of the relationship.
• Manage Conflict: Handling conflicts constructively.
• Make Life Dreams Come True: Supporting each other’s hopes for the future.
• Create Shared Meaning: Building a life together with shared rituals and goals.

Source: The Gottman Institute

4. Fisher’s Stages of Love

• Lust: Driven by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen.
• Attraction: High levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, leading to exhilaration and intense focus on the partner.
• Attachment: Bonding through hormones like oxytocin, leading to long-term commitment.

Source: Psychology Today

5. Hendrix and Hunt Stages of Relationship Development

• Stage 1: Romance
  • Idealization and Infatuation: This stage is characterized by intense attraction and an overwhelming sense of connection. Partners often see each other through a ‘rose-colored’ lens, focusing on similarities and overlooking differences.
  • Chemical Attraction: The brain releases a cocktail of chemicals, such as dopamine and oxytocin, which contribute to feelings of happiness and attachment.
• Stage 2: Power Struggle

• • Disillusionment: The initial idealization fades, and differences become more apparent and problematic. Conflicts arise over unmet expectations and misunderstandings.
  • Efforts to Change Each Other: Partners may attempt to mold each other into their ideal or expected version, leading to frustration and resentment.
• Stage 3: Stability

• • Negotiation and Understanding: Couples begin to work through their differences, learning to communicate more effectively and understand each other’s perspectives.
  • Acceptance: There’s a growing acceptance of each other’s flaws and recognition of the value of the relationship beyond the romantic ideal.
• Stage 4: Commitment

• • Choosing Each Other Again: Partners make a conscious decision to commit to each other, fully aware of both the strengths and weaknesses of their relationship.
  • Deepened Intimacy: There’s a deeper level of intimacy and connection, as partners feel secure in their commitment and more open to sharing their vulnerabilities.
• Stage 5: Co-Creation

• • Purpose Beyond the Relationship: Couples find ways to contribute together to something outside their relationship, whether it’s raising a family, contributing to their community, or working on joint projects.
  • Synergy and Mutual Growth: The relationship becomes a source of mutual inspiration and growth, with partners supporting each other in reaching their individual and shared goals.

Resource: Differentiation- The Road to Connection by Drs. Hendrix and Hunt

Couples interventions and treatment approaches

Directly focusing on interventions designed for couples, these approaches are likely to include a variety of therapeutic models specifically tailored to address issues within intimate relationships. Common models include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which focuses on enhancing emotional connection and attachment security; Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy (CBCT), which aims to improve communication skills and change negative patterns of behavior; and the Gottman Method, which emphasizes the importance of friendship, managing conflict, and creating shared meaning in relationships.

Several reasons couples experience problems:

• Communication Breakdown: Misunderstandings or lack of open dialogue can escalate into larger conflicts.
• Financial Disputes: Divergent spending habits or financial goals can create tension.
• Trust Issues: Infidelity, secrecy, or past betrayals can erode trust.
• Differing Values and Goals: Clashes over life directions, family planning, or personal values can strain the relationship.
• Changes in Intimacy: Physical or emotional distance can lessen the bond between partners.

Self-Check

Additional Resource:

• Agents of Change Social Work Test Prep Blog: Theories of Couples Development